My dad came to America with a few dollars in his pocket.
Pre-note: I typed this up as a stream of consciousness on my phone because I couldn’t sleep. I sincerely hope you aren’t getting this as a notification.
Yes, that is the line you will often see for not so recent immigrants. How practically true is that? (I hate people who exaggerate.) Well in my dad’s case, I’m sure he had more in a foreign bank account but that’s all he had on him. So that statement’s not false.
He arrived at JFK by himself. Imagine taking all that you have and moving it halfway across the globe. That’s quite daunting. I’ve only made it across the pond.
My dad was robbed the first day he was in the US. New York City in the early 1990s was another animal, and it’s amazing how much has changed since then.
He saw a familiar Asian face and began to chat him up…the familiar face being a stranger on the subway who took advantage of his naïveté, who subsequently demanded him to hand over all his money. This is something that my father does not like to talk about, as you can imagine. Nevertheless, he went on.
I came over to the US later, but was sent back to China to be raised by my grandparents because it was the only way they could manage. Same with my sis, many many years later. (There’s a long form on the net on the phenomenon of Asian immigrants sending their children back to be raised and the disconnect this causes.)
Some of my earliest childhood memories besides being in a camp in China (weird things, I only remember this because I had recount it for an assignment in elementary school) are of the early times in the US. When I came to the apartment, I was a little scardy cat who was afraid of sitting on the toilet, so my parents had to go buy one.
Things that run in other family I’ve tried to overcome: my grandmother, aunt, and mom being way too afraid and worried. My grandfather being naive in the streets of Shanghai, recovering someone’s wallet or money when it’s a scam.
I lived with my parents in an illegal basement rental in Elmhurst in Queens. Illegal because once I remember our landlord telling us to turn off the lights. That’s what we could afford on a NYU researcher’s salary. Those grad jobs are great…
There were mice. I distinctly remember this. Dad caught mice.
I never had a game boy. I’ve touched one for at most an hour. Lifetime cumulative.
The only toys I had growing up were happy meal toys.
My dad would take me around on his bike. I think I rode in the front, but I’ll have to ask him.
Good thing is, it was uphill from there. We gradually upgraded living situations. I remember keeping entries in my address book of all our addresses and telephone numbers (before porting was a thing) because of how often we moved.
Never underestimate the cumulative effects of years and years of hard work and saving up. They lived the American dream and bought a house.
My parents have always valued education and saved everything they could for it. They saw it as an investment that surpassed anything else. That’s the reason why they were able to climb up. One worked while the other went to get a masters. They made it work.
My upbringing has shaped me, of course. I shop by looking at what’s on sale at the grocery store, and then say, I can make something out of this. Thrift comes from childhood. But who doesn’t love deals?
That’s also why I lived under a rock. When we could barely afford basics, how would I have anything for culture? How would my parents have any time for culture? They worked their asses off and only took vacation to go back to China to see family. They have never been to Europe until THIS YEAR.
I remember Wendy’s being an especially nice treat.
Now here I am. Look, I still have a grand penchant (weakness? soft spot?) for fast food.
Habits are engrained. Habits die hard, so I can never be rich. Haha.
Where were the social services when we needed it? We didn’t know how to use the system, so there wasn’t that support.
My mom is a nurse. She tells me she turned republican because of all of the waste she saw in the system. People take advantage of all that they can get and milk it (chuckling as they do, but of course the rich also chuckle as they roll their trusts.) She sees this first hand. I don’t blame her for seeing this as waste when she worked hard to not depend on social welfare while people purposely come to NYC for the welfare benefits.
She sees in the dead of winter, the heat is on so high that all of the windows must be open to breathe.
My mom told me not to give money to the homeless because they can get support through proper channels. Who knows what they spend it on, she said. Got scolded on an essay by my liberal English teacher for saying this.
NYC has a lot of social services. Half the apartments are rent controlled. You can imagine what that lack of supply does to the market rate of rentals. It’s a much bigger problem because those workers are needed.
Anyways, I have gone on about anything and everything here.
Everything that I saw growing up has taught me to secure financial stability and independence. Because I didn’t have the social safety net from family.
When it came time for me to go to college at UChicago, my parents had saved up sufficiently. Of course we didn’t know anything about financial aid. We filled in everything honestly and got…nothing in aid. Scholarships of a thousand or two barely make a dent.
Was this fair? Maybe. The middle and upper middle class gets screwed. What if we couldn’t afford it? Even with some income before tax, do you really think we can afford to pay a quarter of a million dollars? Twice?
Tell me how it is the hell that savings and home equity are penalized.
My friend got a full ride to an Ivy League institution. Family had a house in Brooklyn. When I asked lightly he said, oh we don’t report it, expecting that everyone else did the same. How honest and naive I was. I thought to my uber liberal self, it’s only fair that we pay what the formula says we can afford. It’s become a game like tax.
My parents paid for tuition, on the condition that I pay half of my sister’s tuition. Agreed.
I got a job after finishing high school and have not required a cent from my parents since then other than most of college tuition. Books, housing, food on me.
TBC
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